The Ecstasy and the Agony

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Home » Mommy Musings » The Ecstasy and the Agony

The Ecstasy and the Agony

Posted by Jennifer Milner Monday, May 24, 2010 0 comments

It was the best of times, it was the worst
of times.

All within the span of five minutes.

Yesterday was a packed day for Maddie and Cora: the first summer
swim lesson EARLY in the morning; several hours at several
different stores, including a mall, running errands with Mommy; a
truncated nap so we could have an afternoon play date at a
sprinkler park; and a picnic dinner in the park with friends for a
free outdoor concert.

Halfway through the day I began waffling on the evening concert;
both girls were looking tired, I was exhausted, and I feared a
colossal meltdown if we were out doing stimulating things at a
relatively late hour. But the girls perked up considerably and were
well-behaved for the afternoon play date, so I decided to push my
luck and hit the concert.

The concert itself, of course, went well.
Maddie and Cora were ecstatic at the idea of eating dinner OUTSIDE
with their FRIEND ELISE, with plenty of GREEN GRASS to dance around
on during the concert. We ran into several unexpected friends
before the concert started, which added to the charming small-town
experience as the sun set on the grassy slope. Children ran
laughingly everywhere, and as the music began all the girls rose
and rushed the “pit” and began dancing down front.

Now in the interest of full disclosure – and to paint you an
accurate picture – we went to see a Heart tribute band play.
Beggars for free concerts can’t be choosers, and my girls
absolutely loved the experience. They rolled down hills. They
danced all over, bopping to “Wild Child” and skipping
in a circle to “These Dreams”.

And then came intermission.

As the band announced their last song before intermission, I
realized it was already bedtime. A quick conference with
Elise’s parents, and we announced that we’d be heading
home after the next song. And as the band kicked into “Magic
Man”, the tears they began a-raining.

As if in some wry, existential French music video, we had three
girls belly-flopped on the blanket, sobbing and red-eyed, while
“Magic Man” played in the background. “Come on
home girl, he said with a smile,” they sang, while Maddie,
Elise, and Cora cried as if their collective heart (get it? Heart?)
would break. After being warned that this was their last chance of
the evening to dance, the girls trudged forlornly down to the front
to give it a half-hearted (get it? HEARTed?) try. “Too soon
to lose my baby yet, my girl should be at home” the singer
wailed as Maddie, Elise, and Cora raised wan arms in the air and
twirled dejectedly.

The music ended – as all tribute band sets must – and
we packed up to go. We walked our way to the back of the hill and
began the death march to the car, three girls still screaming as
they walked like a row of distraught baby ducks hypnotized into
following some crazed Wile E. Coyote to their deaths. Or at least
their bedtimes.

We went easy on the girls: for one thing, in spite of all the
tears, no one had to be carried out of the park. Ok, Cora did for
the last bit, but she’s barely three years old. For the most
part, obedience won over heartrending loss. And for another thing,
it was our own faults for keeping them up so late. I knew going
into it that we’d had a long day and both girls were tired,
so the fact that the tears hadn’t begun until going-home time
was almost a surprise. School is out for them, and the days are
looser and I want to go with the flow and take advantage of fun
outings like this one. So I won’t give up on these evening
outings just yet.

I will, however, continue to brainstorm better extraction
strategies.

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About

When I was first pregnant with Madeleine, I’ll admit it: I panicked. As a self-professed organizational freak and someone who’s spent a lifetime scrupulously researching everything before buying something or making any sort of decision, I found myself at a loss as to how to proceed. Where could I go to research how to be a good parent? Where’s the Consumer Reports to fill me in on things like: When are you supposed to use diaper crème and why? What should I look for in a diaper bag? Why are babies supposed to wear hats? And living in New York City added its own problems: What kind of stroller should I get that won’t get beaten up by all the sidewalk miles I’d put on it, yet be maneuverable enough to get through those narrow grocery stores and light enough to carry up and down subway stairs? How do you take a newborn in a cab?

So I formed my own focus group; four girlfriends who had all had children in the past couple of years, who share my attitudes on breastfeeding and thoughtful, deliberate parenting. We sat down one afternoon, and for four hours they patiently answered my eight pages of questions. (I wish I was exaggerating, but I’m not. Now that I’m a mom, I know what it cost some of them to stay in one place with a squirmy six-month old for four hours. Thanks, Bev.) I walked away feeling not emotionally more prepared to be a mom, perhaps, but at least feeling more prepared to tackle a baby registry. Throughout my pregnancy I read the books they suggested and continued to tap into them with panicked, 3 a.m. emails about thermometers and swaddling blankets.

Once Madeleine came, I naively thought I’d be finished with the focus group, but within days of her birth I found myself tearfully in front of the computer, begging for advice on breastfeeding and uncontrollable crying (both mine and Maddie’s!) They became a “been-there-done-that” shoulder to cry on, a continued resource as Maddie began to need new stuff, and my cheering section as I encountered people who disagreed with my parenting choices. I don’t know what I’d do without my girlfriends; I’m sure I’d figure it out, but I’d be less confident and feel more alone. Which started me thinking about all the women who don’t have their own mommy focus group, their own community. So I thought I’d offer you one.

I'd like you to get two things out of this website: first, I'd like you to use this site as your own personal Mommy Focus Group. I've done the road-testing and researching and polling and have taken the guesswork out of shopping for yourself and your baby. I've actually used everything I recommend here unless I explicitly say otherwise. I'm a picky consumer and (I'd like to think) I've got good taste. If you don't have time to read through my weblogs, the buttons on the side will pull up entries by category or, even faster, go to my Top 5s Page where I'll link you to my favorite picks in a variety of categories.

And second, I'd like you to know that you're a little less alone than you thought.

Who We Are

My husband Brian and I are practicing Christians living in New York City, though we’re both from Texas. Brian works for a religious non-profit and I’m a pilates instructor; he does all the technical work on the website and I do the fun writing stuff. Madeleine was born June 2005, and as parents we believe in breastfeeding and attachment parenting in that we both wear her or hold her a good deal more than our parents’ generation did. We do not sleep in a family bed, but respect every family’s choice as to what works best for them. We’ve seen that it certainly does take a village to raise a child, and our “village” is my mother who lives two blocks away (thank heavens) and our church community, who encourages and supports and simply takes her from our hands when our arms get tired. My girlfriends are largely from my church community.

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The Ecstasy and the Agony

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